About me…

How would you describe yourself? Don’t know? Have no idea? Well, me too. If people asked me how I would describe myself I would have more than five minutes just for thinking. Thinking about what I would say. On the opposite if people asked me to describe my closest friend I would have thousands words to describe her. I don’t need to think. It’s ridiculous I guess. How can we not know ourselves but know about others? I think the funniest thing is because it’s not that we don’t know about ourselves but we are shame to tell others about us. We’re shame admitting ourselves as the persons we are. Sounds confusing? Well, my point is we find it’s difficult to describe ourselves because we are afraid of showing them who we really are. For example if we were lazy person. We would not mention it in our description because we don’t want they know it. We tend to show our good things and bury our bad things. It’s very common.
Now, how would I describe myself? Well, I just have one word for my description. Complicated… Yes I am. I would say that I have a very complicated personalities, I have both devil and angel inside. I can be an angel one day and a devil in the other day. I’m good at pretending. Pretending to be a good listener when I don’t give a damn about their stories. Selfish is what I am, sometimes I put myself on top of everybody else. Who doesn’t? Some people might say they are not selfish, but I don’t buy it. We tend to put ourselves first. May be I am a selfish person but sometimes I can be a humble person too. As far I remember I never show off. I will let them know by themselves not by telling them what I’m able at or what I have. I’m quiet but it doesn’t mean I never talk. I do talk. Telling a story, laughing loudly, I do it too, but only on certain occasion and depend on who’s with me. I’d rather spend my days at home than hanging out with others. I’m introvert and insensitive. I don’t care what they say or think about me as long as I feel secure, I’ll be fine. People say I’m cynical, well I’m not I’m just trying to be realistic. Seeing the world not as it seems but look at something behind it carefully. Not taking for granted for everything is what I’m doing.
Every single day I learn something new. Something new about me. I’m getting to know myself better than before. I find that we were born by knowing nothing and die by knowing everything. It means that we gain our knowledge by living our lives. Including our knowledge about ourselves. As long as I’m still breathing I can describe myself. But…until today that’s all I know about myself and everything…

The hardest thing…

What would be the hardest thing in the world? No, it’s not the job or profession but the thing that we must do. Something like forgiving, forgetting, or else. But forgiving is not the hardest thing for me. It’s something that I can do easily. Don’t believe me? You’d better believe it. The hardest thing is letting it go. I mean it… Letting everything go is not as easy as forgiving. When you lost someone, something, you must deal with the fact you will not be able to see him/he or it anymore. You must live without their present for the rest of your life. Not just that, when you lost an opportunity (whether that is a job or anything) you may regret it. Day by day it still remains on your mind, you keep asking why, why, and why you lost the opportunity. Then you start to blame yourself, punish yourself for everything. When you do that, I would say that you are not letting it go. You don’t accept the fact there is thing that can not be replied. Thing has to be done that way for some reason. You’re not dealing with the reality, in fact your running from it. I do it. Trust me I’ve been in that situation. Honestly, I’m still in that situation now. I’m not letting go everything. I’m running away from the fact that I might not be able to see it anymore to get the second change. I’m punishing myself for everything. Someday I have to let it go, have to wake up and facing it. That day will come but not today…